Let me know if you all want to keep reading about my boring life, or if I should be writing about 5 Candle Care Tips & Tricks, or ‘Why soy wax is better than paraffin’. Until then, I would like to introduce you to the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. Alice: an English Cream Golden Retriever, Frank: our grumpy-ass Basset Hound, and Princess Ivy, our Shiba Inu grandpuppy.
Frank doing his favorite activity and Alice and Ivy at Doggie Bootcamp.
Ivy is James (my son) and Kerra’s (his girlfriend) girl. Ivy does not like to be left alone so she comes over every day while James is at work. She is true to her Shiba breed and absolutely psychotic when she gets the zoomies. She riles up Alice and then somehow gets Frank in on the zoomie action. If you’ve never seen a Basset with the zoomies, you’re missing out. There are ears everywhere.
Now I firmly believe every dog goes through two years of stupid. Alice is three and it took her an extra year. Frank is two and has finally stopped howling at dust…and then there is one-year old Ivy. I get home before Joe and James and I never know what I am going to walk into. Ivy’s newest fascination is toilet paper. If that bathroom door isn’t firmly closed, Ivy will perform her Houdini magic and destroy a roll in the backyard or dining room.
This past Christmas, I made a gift for James and Kerra. I can’t find a picture of the finished ornament but this is the Cricut file. This was made prior to her latest toilet paper fascination.
I’m getting to the point, I promise…Stay with me.
Needless to say Ivy has been on my list more times than you can imagine. MWCC is a dog-friendly workplace and whenever Ivy comes to work with James, the first thing she does is B-Line it for my office and take a giant shit. Every. Damn. Time. She never goes in the house, or anywhere else. Just my office.
Last year, after I planted my garden, Alice and Ivy jumped in the planter and dug up all my starts. They had a grand time. It was raining and they rolled in the mud and then came inside and the entire downstairs was covered in soil and murdered plants. I knew it wasn’t Frank because, well, Basset Hound. I ended up building a fence around the entire planter.
This year, I tilled a new bed for a bee flower garden. I bought the black fences to keep Ivy out. We had a bet and full discussions about how long it would take for Ivy to break through. James was adamant Ivy wasn’t going to and I was skeptical. When Kerra came to pick Ivy up on Wednesday, she was quick to snap this photo of Alice taking a giant shit in my freshly dug flower bed BEHIND the fence. They rubbed it in incessantly. Franks face is everything! Damn Alice…It was physically painful to admit I was wrong while cleaning up her destruction.
The point I guess is that Alice is working on her 4th year of stupid, Ivy needs an edible and Frank is just unimpressed with literally everything. I'm curious, what's the craziest thing your dog has ever eaten? And did you get pics? :)
Stay Malicious, Lacie
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Comments (22)
My dog, Ivy, as a puppy, ate a Seahawks bandanna. It was during the playoffs (long ago) and happened after a game that we lost. I didn’t KNOW that she ate it until she pooped it out…all twisted, but completely reusable. I did toss it! Not Ivy…though during her crazy TWO years, I thought about it. Keep the interesting blogs coming!
My girlfriend has two Irish Wolfhounds that are both under 3 and well trained. The most important question is what HAVEN’T they eaten. We’ve gone through countless shoes, every toy (those konga – or whatever – indestructible toys) last maybe 10 mins.
Any container
A brand new hand held vacuum.
Cords
Electronics
Candles
One whole chair
Carpet and base boards
Kitchen scissors (this one was particularly frustrating) they had a plastic case with magnets on the back… Well we couldn’t find the magnets and assumed they had been swallowed. One late night and very expensive emergency vet trip for an xray to confirm they were NOT in the belly. Whew! But Holy hell.
We love you Lacey and everything you do at MWCC
I had a foxhound beagle mix (who thought that was a good idea…) that I rescued. He ate everything. Carpets, homework, food from the fork you were eating off of, comforters…the works. But his biggest asshole move was humping every dog he met. I put that rambunctious twerp in dog daycare to help his energy and he spent his days humping everyone. To the point where his junk got raw. I had to take him to the vet to get it evaluated and he got a cream and a collar and had to sleep on his back. The worst part was telling my new boss why I needed a few hours off work. Life was never dull with him and his legends live on.
We had 2 Pomeranians. Dolly and Lucy. I swear they conspired with the cats. Lucy had been spayed and her pain meds on the kitchen counter. Somehow ( cats) Dolly got a hold of the bottle and ate the meds. My son and I stayed up all night giving her medicine to throw up. She finally did and was ok. She also chewed through a lamp cord and got zapped pretty good. She ate Hershey kisses with the foil on. Again, cats….And the best one was Lucy got into a free sample of a Fiber one bar. I heard a loud, wet farting noise in hallway and thought one of my kids was joking. I look and see Lucy crapping all over the carpet with the saddest look ever!!! I had to laugh despite my light colored carpet being destroyed!!! They’re both gone now and we’ve replaced all the flooring but sometimes I still see them and I look down to make sure I’m not stepping in anything!!!!
Aaah English Creams… Murphy is 1 1/2 years old and a beautiful dog, I love the white and cream! I wish I would have thought about all the hair everywhere clothes, tables, floor…it’s endless, and don’t get me started on his obsession with monitoring if someone flushes the toilet, and if not he must do it manually and leave the wet toilet paper on the floor. He is my first english cream and I would have several more if I could afford them.
My white Lab, Blitz ate my husbands scuba boots, molding around all the outside windows, garden hose, the drivers seat belt when left in car for 10 mins, multiple other things before trying 3…. But, his all time favorite thing was my kids sidewalk chalk! I couldn’t let him outside with them when they played with it, it was like doggie crack to him🤣🤣🤣 Needless, to say there were always tell tell signs of when he got into it…like the piles of multi colored shit in the back yard🤨🤣 LMAO
My very own cream Shiba, Momo (8 years old) managed to get into my crested gecko’s powdered food.
Good news: we don’t have carpet.
Bad news: they licked it until it stuck to the floor and we had to do some hard scrubbing all over the apartment.
I love dogs but they definitely keep you on your toes!
I love the insights into your life! Keep ‘em coming!
I have three mini dachshunds. One of the great things about small dogs is that they can’t get to anything I put up. They are fierce little hunters and killed a rat in my back yard before I could even react. It was sad. I buried the rat and gave it a small funeral.
Two of them will bite their nails. I always know when it’s time to trim their nails. I have caught them chewing holes in blankets too.
My girls’ naughtiness is their barking. On walks, it’s all I can do to keep them from going ape shit. They’re friendly dogs. They love attention. Of course, no one is going to come near them when they’re acting like maniacs. They other dachshund owners in my neighborhood get it though.
Thanks for making great candles! Your sense of humor is brilliant.
I actually think Alice is brilliant. Retrievers are just working dogs, and she’s bored, therefore she’s going to be creative. I should know, I am on my fourth yellow lab. He’s 4 months and is a demon and adorable so it makes it worse. I think the little updates are nice, so I’d say, keep it up.
First, please keep writing! I love your sense of humor and think you are awesome!
My late heart dog, Koda, was a labradoodle. She ate everything, but her favorite was dirty underwear crotches. We would come home and she would have gotten into everyones’ dirty laundry and chewed, crotchless undies would be strewn around the house. She progressed to ladies shorts, and she ate – and passed, WHOLE – a pair of my teen daughter’s denim shorts. Stomach of steel, that one. I miss her terribly.