Let me know if you all want to keep reading about my boring life, or if I should be writing about 5 Candle Care Tips & Tricks, or ‘Why soy wax is better than paraffin’. Until then, I would like to introduce you to the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. Alice: an English Cream Golden Retriever, Frank: our grumpy-ass Basset Hound, and Princess Ivy, our Shiba Inu grandpuppy.
Frank doing his favorite activity and Alice and Ivy at Doggie Bootcamp.
Ivy is James (my son) and Kerra’s (his girlfriend) girl. Ivy does not like to be left alone so she comes over every day while James is at work. She is true to her Shiba breed and absolutely psychotic when she gets the zoomies. She riles up Alice and then somehow gets Frank in on the zoomie action. If you’ve never seen a Basset with the zoomies, you’re missing out. There are ears everywhere.
Now I firmly believe every dog goes through two years of stupid. Alice is three and it took her an extra year. Frank is two and has finally stopped howling at dust…and then there is one-year old Ivy. I get home before Joe and James and I never know what I am going to walk into. Ivy’s newest fascination is toilet paper. If that bathroom door isn’t firmly closed, Ivy will perform her Houdini magic and destroy a roll in the backyard or dining room.
This past Christmas, I made a gift for James and Kerra. I can’t find a picture of the finished ornament but this is the Cricut file. This was made prior to her latest toilet paper fascination.
I’m getting to the point, I promise…Stay with me.
Needless to say Ivy has been on my list more times than you can imagine. MWCC is a dog-friendly workplace and whenever Ivy comes to work with James, the first thing she does is B-Line it for my office and take a giant shit. Every. Damn. Time. She never goes in the house, or anywhere else. Just my office.
Last year, after I planted my garden, Alice and Ivy jumped in the planter and dug up all my starts. They had a grand time. It was raining and they rolled in the mud and then came inside and the entire downstairs was covered in soil and murdered plants. I knew it wasn’t Frank because, well, Basset Hound. I ended up building a fence around the entire planter.
This year, I tilled a new bed for a bee flower garden. I bought the black fences to keep Ivy out. We had a bet and full discussions about how long it would take for Ivy to break through. James was adamant Ivy wasn’t going to and I was skeptical. When Kerra came to pick Ivy up on Wednesday, she was quick to snap this photo of Alice taking a giant shit in my freshly dug flower bed BEHIND the fence. They rubbed it in incessantly. Franks face is everything! Damn Alice…It was physically painful to admit I was wrong while cleaning up her destruction.
The point I guess is that Alice is working on her 4th year of stupid, Ivy needs an edible and Frank is just unimpressed with literally everything. I'm curious, what's the craziest thing your dog has ever eaten? And did you get pics? :)
Stay Malicious, Lacie
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Comments (22)
Our dog Lollipop managed to get a hold of six sticks of butter that were on the counter to soften. As a result, she had a severe case of the butter squirts…uncontrollable oily grease shooting out her ass! It was horrific! It’s a funny story now, especially the part when my 13 year old daughter slipped in a puddle and wiped out at the foot of the stairs. Needless to say, all butter is softened on the fridge now, out of the reach of our beloved Butter Butt!
Oh, and she ate the couch!
I love the blog posts about your boring (!) life!