Toothpaste, Toilet Paper, & Tomfoolery

Toothpaste, Toilet Paper, & Tomfoolery

Mar 15, 2024Lacie Marsh-Carroll

My husband and I just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary March 3rd, (26 years together) and we have had two forever feuds that don’t seem to have a resolution. They both involve the bathroom.

Toilet Paper:

The great Carroll toilet paper debate started back in 1998 when we moved in together. He consistently installed the roll direction cover the top of the roll and I like it dispensing from the back and under.

He would get annoyed at how I would change the toilet paper and likewise. Before cell phones, there wasn’t a lot to read in the bathroom besides shampoo bottles so we would just stare at our perceived toilet paper roll injustice and change it to our preferred distribution method.

Once the internet became a thing and we were all signed up with AOL, Joe was able to find the original toilet paper patent from 1891 to finally prove my method was indeed wrong. Smug Bastard. I hate his method because the toilet paper always sticks to itself and you have to roll to find the edge. He hates my method because he doesn’t like having to reach under the roll and he claims the toilet paper breaks off before his preferred square count is reached.

toilet paper patent, bathroom candle

We still change the toilet paper direction every chance we get, because now it is just what we do. We don’t even speak about it anymore. It’s just passive aggressive roll changing.

I will say that I have raised two of our three kids right and they prefer my method.

Note: Before you come at me about me being grateful my husband even changes the roll, we don’t have that marriage. Joe has never ‘babysat’ or ‘helped me around the house’. We are a divide and conquer couple. If he is doing the kitchen, then I will run up and throw a load of laundry in, we never keep score. Am I lucky, absolutely! Even though I want to peel his face off somedays, I would choose him again and again.

Candle Of The Week: 

marriage candle, anniversary candle


Joe and I were raised in the same tax bracket. Poor. Joe was raised by a single mom and I was second of 6 kids. There was no waste and we used everything and when something was empty, we repurposed it if we could. When Joe and I first got married and he was an E-3 in the Navy, frugality was key. I think this test-of-wills started when neither one of us would admit when the toothpaste was empty. We still scrape that M’Fing tube then bend and twist it until we are certain all the toothpaste is finished. On Monday morning this week I wasn’t about to fight with the toothpaste and Joe walked into the bathroom right as I pulled a fresh tube from the drawer. Victoriously saying “Tapping out?” Indicating I lost this round. The only reasonable reply was to mumble “Fuck Off” and he started whistling! He was giddy!

I love this man, but the Rocky Balboa fists in the sky victory dance was a bit much for a Monday morning. 😊

Stay Malicious - Lacie 

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Comments (14)

  • Lacie,
    You husband is 100% correct, toilet paper always should come over the top. In NYC at Tiffany’s, had to change all the toilet paper rolls in the bathroom- they were also wrong!!

    Elaine Lauzon
  • We don’t have our TP on a roller. It sits on a china plate, on a shelf near the toidy. #compromise

  • Over is the only way, the “right” — but leftist – way, to go! I’m a lefty; my guy (DH for Dear Husband, henceforth) is a righty, so handedness doesn’t seem to be a determining factor.
    Thank you so much for the magical candles, Lacie!!

  • Separate bathrooms. Gosh, I could be a marriage counselor with this advice.

  • We are an over-the-top household. However, our close friends with cats SWEAR by the under-roll position. They say if the tp goes over top, the cats play with it and end up unrolling the whole thing onto the bathroom floor. We have cats, but luckily they give zero shits about the toilet paper! Goooood kitties!
  • As a co-over team, I wonder if you ever considered placing a second holder on the wall. Each would have their own roll for optimal functionality. Could make a stupendous anniversary gift.

  • My husband doesn’t care which way the TP goes; he only knows that I am ADAMANT that over-the-top is the right way to do it. So what does he do? He changes them to around-the-back just to bug me.
    Ah, true love….

  • Married 34 years and still having passive aggressive TP wars. I wonder if it’s a lefty vs righty issue. He’s team under and a lefty. I’m team over and a righty. However, we both use different toothpaste. Bonus marriage tip: separate blankets! We both use different comforters, both king size. No bedtime tug of war!

  • Over for him, under for me. But I had a kitten and he never did. After coming home with a wad of TP on the floor under an empty cardboard roll, always under.

  • To fully get ALL the toothpaste out, just use scissors to cut off the last 1/3 of the tube, pry the edges open and, voila, you have access to every little bit left inside! You can even use the cut off end to cover the open tube,

    And, the TP goes over the top!


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