So Much Nope - Infused With An Allergic Reaction To Exercise

So Much Nope - Infused With An Allergic Reaction To Exercise

So Much Nope - Infused With An Allergic Reaction To Exercise

For months, my jeans have been shrinking. I am now at the point where I air-dry all my clothes and they are still shrinking. I have this internal debate each time I do laundry like…”I’ve only worn these jeans three times…I have them perfectly stretched out…If I wash them, they will shrink and I will have to start the process all over again.” Any one else or is it just me? My heart and self-esteem came to a screeching halt this weekend when a customer posted a selfie of us together and I didn’t angle the camera. My stomach was falling over my jeans and you could see the belly-button hole through my black tank top!

WTF? When did this happen? I NEVER weigh myself, but I did today. People- I am 190 pounds. In one year I have put on 30 pounds. In a year! So what did I immediately do? I started making my denial excuses. I’m an ninja-level expert at excuse making.  “I’ve been busy”, “I have two jobs”, “my kid is in sports, I don’t have time to work out.” You name it, but here I am, writing and balancing my laptop on my belly.

So this is the reality. I fucking hate working out. I hate dieting and I absolutely hate kale. But today is Monday and we know this is the only acceptable day to start a work out routine. I almost didn’t go. I nearly died when I tried to put my yoga pants on.  First, I had to find my one pair of yoga pants- turns out, I filed them away with my bathing suit in the “I’m never going to wear this shit” drawer. So I am standing in my bathroom, surrounded by tile and stuck a foot in the leg. Spanx tights are easier to get on than these torture devices. Once I got to the knee, I was already sweating. I put the other leg in and then I was stuck. The pants were so tight, they were pulling my knees together. Nevertheless, I persisted. I started inching the pants up my thighs, and it physically hurt. There were deep creases where the pants just gave up fighting and found a comfy roll to settle in. I tried to smooth them out, but it was like separating turkey skin from the bird at Thanksgiving, it was a damn chore. Then I lost my balance and fell over. I screamed out at Joe “I can’t get these fucking pants on! I’m not going!” 190 pounds…190 pounds…I can’t be 190 pounds! So, I sat on the tile and peeled those fuckers off. Also, I now have a bruise on my hip- so yeah…I’m feeling sexy. I wore pajama pants to the gym.

So, I get there and I am trying to live the Instagram meme life. There are beautiful women, wearing beautiful clothes with perfect hair and I am trying not to compare myself. This is my journey, the first step of my adventure, my self-care time, and all that other pale-pink, scripty-font bullshit.

I get up on the elliptical and turn it on to level 1. I put my weight and height in and my legs started burning right away. Then that asshole of a machine started a scrolling message that read “This is the 7-minute warm up before your workout”. WTF? I angrily turned the damn machine off and went full manual mode. Fuck you elliptical and your condensing tone. I continued until I had beads of sweat running down my boobs and back and finally got off. Holy shit…my legs almost collapsed. I went downstairs and found Joe and told him I was ready to leave, and he said, “We’ve only been here 25 minutes.”

The point of this post is to merely say…I am Sore AF.  I will be at Team Fitness in Lake Stevens, WA tomorrow at 6:30pm if any of you want to join me. I was super bored tonight- and it might be fun to do this together. I also really want a bowl of Captain Crunch- but apparently this glass of water will fill me right up and stop my craving.  


  • RODICA MACKAY: September 04, 2018

    I don’t go to local gym because it’s full of snobes…anyway I work night shift and that’s my excuse to avoid shit…I do yogame in the comfort of my home…I like stuff not so hard on me…I’m learning to be kind to myself…you have to live your life the way you like it not following crap. ..much love to all real ladies…a real one can swear very goody:)

  • Juanita Shuler: July 31, 2018

    Great job in getting into the gym. I had the same thing happen to me in March, 193 to be exact! I worked out occasionally at TF, took spin classes, group personal trainer and would lose a few pounds and be right back up so this time when I saw a 9 on the scale, I took a different approach. I went to the 30-10 Weight Loss for Life office in Everett and today I am now down to 158!!! I am thrilled to try on all the clothes I had in the I’ll never wear again closet. I signed my husband up too and he is now down 53 pounds. I am about 2% away from their goal for me. Their program works!!

  • Brie: July 30, 2018

    Boy, do I feel your struggle. I FUCKING LOVE FOOD, OKAY?! I wish you went to Planet Fitness so we could elliptical and judge the shit out of the young girls who are color coordinated and ONLY working on their butt with insane reps of squats. Ugh. Puh-lease.
    But, the fact of the matter is…you made it to the gym! And 25 minutes is better than nothing. So Bill Murray it with me “baby steps.”
    Muah, love ya lady. Xoxo

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