You’re not alone. We all feel the weight of anxiety, depression, a heart-break or just this overwhelming sense of negativity in our lives. You may feel a sense of blah or you may know exactly who or where this bullshit is coming from. Regardless if you know the source, we must let that shit go! Holding on to the negativity will only cause spinning thoughts, obsessive overthinking and you won’t be able to heal your mind, body or physical space.
Malicious Women Candle Co was born and grew into a way for me to physically honor all our battles with mental health and to use the power of words and light to bring joy to those that needed to be lifted up. The act of purchasing a Malicious candle for yourself or sending a gift of empowerment to your bestie, this act of kindness or self-love, is in itself, the mission of Malicious Women; to spread light and laughter.
But I get it. How do we even begin to heal? How do we allow ourselves permission to feel joy? Are we worthy? Are we ourselves to blame for our own misery? Did we allow someone to mistreat our heart or body? Could we have stopped it sooner or found our voice for someone else? Will we probably fail? Does anyone even care what we have to say? Is your “good,” good-enough? Oh…sorry… those are my own spinning thoughts….sometimes the mind-fuckery is so invasive it takes over without permission and dominates every aspect of my life. Fuck You Anxiety!
For me, sometimes I just need a reset. I need to Calm the Fuck down and focus on the 2 things I did right that day. Sometimes those two things are just getting out of bed and feeding myself. Because my self-talk is so powerful, and I can easily get trapped in the mind-fuckery vortex; I must PHYSICALLY reset. Getting out of my own head can feel like a labyrinth at times. Very similar to those damn corn mazes everyone thinks are so much fun. Except that mine is haunted with assholes from my past and guilt and shame around every corner. For me, it is easier to crouch or lay in one spot, in the misery I know, rather than face whatever unexpected emotion is coming up next inside the spinning mind of Lacie. I call those “couch-days.” Laying on the couch with a good Netflix binge keeps me from thinking.
Now don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe in “feeling the feels” and that some days it is ok to not be ok. But…when I get to day two or three of no showering and eating Captain Crunch for Breakfast, Lunch, Second-Lunch, Dinner, and Second-Dinner…bitch needs to get her shit together. It is time for Lacie to dig-deep, invite my inner bad-bitch to come and take over. It’s time to get my smudge stick and light that, rather than another cigarette. Trust me…I’ve tried smudging with tobacco…it doesn’t work.
The act of smudging for me is not only to clear my mind, body and home of the fucking toxic energy that is consuming me, but it gives me a mission. I have intent. I have a goal with a plan, and if any of you know me, this bitch loves a good plan. When I smudge the bullshit, I feel in control. I feel brave. I feel the universe’s power and the acceptance that I am an active participant in my own life. I no longer feel like “life” is happening to me, but rather I am taking control of my own destiny and willing good shit to happen to me. And you know what? It feels damn good. I repeat my mother f’n manafesta until I believe it. I then go shower, put on pretty panties, grab my sunglasses and am ready for whatever comes next! Bring it on!